Everybody has a nemesis. A dark mirror of yourself, a challenge that is everything you hate. If you've ever worked tech-support, you know what that is: printer issues.
I'm Anonymous , and you last saw me in the case of The Ghost Cursor. This is my story.

As the days marched on, the chill in the air turned from bracing to painful. God had hoofed it down to Florida for the winter, and…

When Gary was called in for a meeting with a few of his managers- because of course he had several- he thought it was going to be for an "attaboy", because things had been going really well for the past few months.

Gary had inherited a mess, and taken over a nightmare application. It was the kind of application that should be a simple CRUD-style data-driven app, but somehow despite only…

Gretchen 's company recently got purchased by Initech. Specifically, they were bought for their dev team, of all things. They had a few software products that were high performers, and Initech wanted that secret sauce. They bought the company, and then split the dev team up and migrated the developers to new products.

That actually worked out okay for Gretchen, most of the time. For a few…

Today's anonymous submitter works in finance. I'll let them start the introduction:

This is a legacy application that has been running for nearly a decade in production so one could say that it's been thoroughly tested by daily production use and nothing needs changing

This is a collection of two C# methods, and we'll start with ValueAGPFund, which isn't a WTF per se, but definitely not…

Lillith was integrating some new tools into an existing Ruby on Rails API. The existing API allowed you to send a dry_run flag along with the request, so that you could have the service calculate its changes without applying them.

The problem was, the new tool Lillith was integrating could send, in the body of the request, {"dry_run": false}, but the service would see it as true.…

Today's anonymous submitter has spent a long time toiling through many, many tickets. Their effort has been an attempt to "save" their employer from the disaster left behind by by a highly-paid consultant. As one does, our submitter started with the highest priority tickets with the highest severity. Eventually, they whittled down that list, and had some bandwidth to start looking at the pieces…

There's a language out there called "Progress Advanced Business Language" (or "Open Edge Advanced Business Language"). Just hearing that string of words in a sequence tells you you're in for it. It's a verbose, "English-like" programming language. But we're not here to pick on the language.

A long time ago, Mirjam had the "pleasure" of working in a Progress ABL environment. At some point,…

If you want to connect to another system, you need to supply credentials. That's a pretty obvious requirement. We can set aside the whole technical challenge of managing those credentials and the security problems various techniques create, and just focus in on: you must supply some credentials to authenticate.

Lisa has inherited a method which connects to another system. It, correctly, will…

Daniel recently started a new job. His first task was to fetch some data from the database and render it to the user. Easy enough, and there were already wrapper functions around the database to make it easy. He called execute_read, passed it a query, and checked the results.

There were no results. But the query definitely should have returned results. What was going on?

def…

This week, friend Adam R. sent in an entry and included with it a link to a short-form YouTube video. Presumably this was a mistake, because I watched that video and the next one and the next one and the next one and after two hours I still haven't got this column ready. I won't share the video link with you. You're welcome.

What Adam really wanted to say was: "The USPS offers a sincerely…

A horse can only be so tenderized, but as well established at this point: I don't like Hungarian Notation. Richard G sends us an example of yet more of it, being misused, as well as some bad date handling. That's basically two of the easiest things to complain about, so let's take a look!

DateTime sCDate2 = Convert.ToDateTime(Hdn_SelectedDate.Value);
Double dStart2 =…

Stella (previously) sends us a much elided snippet. The original code is several thousand lines contained in a single try block. But the WTF is pretty clear without seeing all of that:

try:
  # the whole business logic without any exception handling
except:
  print("Fudge")

They didn't really say fudge of course, but we mostly try to keep profanity off our main page.…

We should always be _wary_ of "(.+)-driven development". Things like test-driven development, or domain-driven development are fine, but they're also frequently approached from a perspective of _dogma_ , which creates its own terrible outcomes.

But let's talk about domain-driven development. Without getting too bogged down into the details of the approach, the idea is pretty straightforward:…

The real WTF is that our long-time friend and submitter Argle failed to dissuade all three of his sons from pursuing IT careers of their own:

Back circa 2012, my three sons all got jobs at a company that had a brilliant web project. So brilliant that it had the support of a Disney VP, the mayor of the city, and other VIPs. At one point, my sons asked to borrow money to invest in the…

The waters are even more dangerous than we imagined. Have a look at some of the crazed whales our brave submitters and commenters have encountered in the wild.

First comes an Anonymous tale of woe:

Our company makes apps for businesses. We have 1 MAIN client whose CEO can make or break our company, and his wish is our command. He sent a priority email on a Friday night saying the app was…

It's a holiday in the US today, so we're reaching back into the archives. What we really need is a single function that can do it all, and by "it" we mean "ruin your life." Original --Remy

There are several types of bad code; there's lazy code, frantic code, unaware-of-a-better-way code, and aware-of-a-better-way-but-too-apathetic-to-do-it code, to name a few. Then there're amalgamations…

"April is special," writes Elwin. It is, but take heart May, every month is special at TDWTF.

"Admiral Ackbar is pinterested," punned The Beast in Black

Manuel H. clocked something off on this website. "Noon seems to be very late in Lithuania, or maybe only in this hotel restaurant in Vilnius." 15H AM must be on some planet with a 32H day.

"Amazon can't make up its mind!"…

A depressing quantity of software is what I would call a "data pump". I have some data over here, and I need it over there. Maybe I'm integrating into a legacy app. Or into an ERP. Or into a 3rd party API. At the end of the day, I have data in one place, and I want it in another place.

Sally has a Java application written in the Quarkus framework, which has a nightly batch that works to keep…

Another representative line, and this one comes from an Excel spreadsheet. But, per Remy's Law of Requirements gathering ("No matter what the requirements doc says, what your users wanted was Excel"), this one was actually written by a developer. A developer who didn't understand how Excel works, but more important, didn't understand how dates worked either.

This comes from Ulysse J.

…

Today's anonymous submitter sends us two blocks. The first is a perfectly normal line of React code:

const [width, setWidth] = useState(false)

This creates a width variable, defaulting it to false, and a setWidth function, which lets React detect when you change the variable, and trigger a re-render. Importantly, this mutation only happens on the next render , which means if you…

Frequent submitter Argle (previously), sends us a short little representative line. The good news is that this line of code came across Argle's screen during a code review: it was being removed. The bad news is that it was sitting in the code base for ages.

_ = len / 8.0f;

Argle writes:

In a code review today. A co-worker wisely removed the line. Dunno the logic that made…

Today's anonymous submitter works for a large company. It's one of those sorts of companies which has piles, and piles, and piles of paperwork and bureaucracy. It also means that much of their portfolio of software is basic CRUD applications. "Here's a database for managing invoices." "Here's a database for managing desk assignments." "Here's a pile of databases which link our legacy applications…

Roger C. gets on second base with an unforced error. "Not only is the content too large, the error message informing us of this is also too large to fit the visible space. A layered, double WTF."

"AWS Spellcheck Fail!" alerts Peter "If only someone at AWS knew the correct paramters to activate the spellcheck."

"How long is too long for a job to be open? " wonders Lincoln K. "I…

A few years back, C# added the concept of "primary constructors". Instead of declaring the storage for class members and then initializing them in the constructor, you can annotate the class itself with the required fields, and C# automatically generates a constructor for you. It's all very TypeScript and very Microsoft, and certainly cuts down on some boilerplate.

Esben B 's team isn't…

We rip on PHP a lot, but I am willing to admit that the language and ecosystem have evolved over the years. What started as an ugly templating language is now just an ugly regular language.

But what happens when you still really want to do things with templates? Allison has inherited a Python-based, WSGI application which rejects any sort of formal routing or basic web development best…

Henrik H (previously) sends us a simple representative C# line:

static void GenerateCommercilaInvoice()

This is a static method which takes no parameters and returns nothing. Henrik didn't share the implementation, but this static function likely does something that involves side effects, maybe manipulating the database (to generate that invoice?). Or, possibly worse, it could be…

Today, we look at a representative comment, sent to us by Nona. This particular comment was in a pile of code delivered by an offshore team.

// https://stackoverflow.com/questions/46744740/lodash-mongoose-object-id-difference/46745169

"Wait," you say, "what's the WTF about a comment pointing to a Stack Overflow page. I do that all the time?"

In this case, it's because this particular…

Eric O worked for a medical device company. The medical device industry moves slowly, relative to other technical industries. Medical science and safety have their own cadence, and at a certain point, iterating faster doesn't matter much.

Eric was working on a new feature on a system that had been in use for thirteen years. This new feature interacted with a database which stored information…

"Here, you're a programmer, take this over. It's business critical."

That's what Felicity 's boss told her when he pointed her to a network drive containing an Excel spreadsheet. The Excel spreadsheet contained a pile of macros. The person who wrote it had left, and nobody knew how to make it work, but the macros in question were absolutely business vital.

Also, it's in French.

We'll take…

Candice (previously) has another WTF to share for us.

We're going to start by just looking at one fragment of a class defined in this C++ code: TLAflaList.

Every type and variable has a three-letter-acronym buried in its name. The specific meaning of most of the acronyms are mostly lost to time, so "TLA" is as good as any other three random letters. No one knows what "fla" is.

What drew…